Yesterday, two members at one of our church plants appeared to be falling away. Last week, we heard of another man who has fallen terribly. In that light, let us pray to be delivered.
To the One who is able to keep me from falling, I do address my prayer. My mind is troubled by my own sin. My heart is disturbed by so many temptations, but mostly from the fact that they come from within. It is my own self that would destroy me. My worst enemy is inside my gates.
And today I am troubled because I have seen how many strong ones this inner foe has cast down. It is a match too great for me. In my own library I have a Greek New Testament that was given to me by the woman whose husband made a pretense to teach himself the original languages only to leave her and his big efforts for the pleasures of sin—a modern Samson, except he did not repent in the end. On another shelf is The Knowledge of the Holy by Tozer which I received at 20 from a dedicated pastor who had started several churches, yet he too, fell away in his 70’s! Lord, who is safe? Another large book about salvation from another shelf was written by a man whose double life was revealed just recently. In total, I have counted 4 books on my shelves that were written or given by good men who fell. Lord God, save me!
Art thou not the Almighty God? Art thou not the One who freely distributes strength to the weak, eagles wings to those who cannot walk, and warrior hearts to those in the battle? Who is weak if not me? Who is a paralyzed beggar if not me? Who is a worm, a man sold under sin, an unprofitable servant, a door turning on its hinges, a member of the faithless generation, if not me? Grace has, like Ahab, been poured on me over and over, and yet for all the kindness, how often do I return dog-like to the vomit?
Yes, I praise you that I have stood firm in the faith for this is also true, and it is owing to your past kindnesses. Do Thou mercifully give future grace until I reach the end! Please, Father, I ask for today’s Bread of Life that I might be sustained and for my wife and children. Lead us not into temptation today. Deliver us from the Evil One for this one brief period, and ingraft the Word into our hearts such that we breathe out these requests again and again.
Your Spirit has so brightly made Heaven to shine in my eyes and sin to stink in my nostrils, but what of tomorrow? Enhance my senses, make my eyes keen in the growing darkness that I might see into eternity and not be distracted by the false candles of earthly comfort.
Life is too long for me. The 70 or 80 years is too much for my reservoir. And yet it is a mist, a vapor, the pass of a weaver’s shuttle, water flowing quickly in a stream, a moment, a drop in the bucket. Are not a thousand years like a day? I therefore plead for persevering power for what is to me a great race though it be in Thy sight the smallest of challenges.
Even from the falling and failing of other men, I find help for my faith. Has their failure not inspired me to pray? Has it taken away my inner confidence and self-boasting? Has it not destroyed the foundations of my own conceit? What amazing wisdom and providence to allow the failure of some that others—and I trust a great many—may stand. Judas fell that Peter might learn to repent. Demas fell that Timothy might not. Please make the terrible sins of these men work to save me and my sons and their sons as well.
And what of these few souls Thou has placed in my charge? Of the 18 in Valdezia, are several not at this moment on the verge of going back to the world? What word can I say except, Save them, Master of Mercy, before they crucify the Son of God afresh and put Him to an open shame. May I know no happiness save that of hearing you say to my wife and children and these dear Tsonga and Venda and Shona souls, “Well done, my good and faithful servants. Enter into the joy of your Lord.”
The lion is prowling, so grant us watchfulness and boldness that we might do valiantly to dash even the little ones of our sins against the stones. The flesh is exhausting and even tempts us in our sleep, so give us strength, might, and power to run through the troop and leap over the wall.
I ask this for today for myself, for my dear wife, for my children, and for the little groups in 8 different villages in Jesus’ name.
